The Empowering Sexual Message

From a celibate sexuality blogger.

As someone who blogs about sex, I haven’t been writing much lately.

I haven’t been sexually active, either.

Here’s why.

#1: I’m too busy.

Busy busy busy. Between being a single mum and working on the Women’s Sexuality Online Conference, I don’t have much time to write. I don’t have much time to socialize. I don’t have much time to think about anything that is not parenting or project-specific.

This is not a complaint! I love being a parent. I’m passionate about the conference and spreading the word of the sex-positive revolution. It just that writing — amongst many other things — loses its rank on the priority list. One other thing that loses its rank on the priority list is, hmmm, sex.

#2: I don’t have sex.

How can I write about sex if I don’t even have sex? Sure, I could be writing about pleasuring myself (AKA solo-sex, AKA masturbation). But the issue is that lately, I have less and less of that, too.

My libido is reduced to null. Which is not surprising, working pretty much around the clock, running on adrenaline which leaves my body quite depleted. I know that it’s completely OK because I know it’s normal for someone who is overworked. And I also know it’s temporary, and once the workload goes back to normal, my libido will be back.

But for someone that writes about sex — I am left uninspired, running out of ideas of what to write about. And I even start to feel inadequate: how can I write about a celebrated sexuality when currently I am in a phase of doingness that does not leave any room for sex?

#3: I feel frustrated.

While working on the conference, I get to speak to some amazing experts in the field of sexuality generally and female sexuality in particular. Professionals that have thousands of hours of experience working as therapists or researchers. I learn so much and I realize that we all share a very similar message:

• How the way we absorb our approach to sex (read: sexuality) from our environment has left us with beliefs that sabotage our ability to truly enjoy sex;
• How most of us have learned to compartmentalize our sexuality into a corner of our life, which is mostly hidden and dark; and
• There are countless ways to uncover this conditioning, and step out into the light of embracing our sexuality and enjoy it as a mean to deeply connect to another human being.

Only then — I step outside and I face everything that surrounds me.

I’m inundated with images that are designed to make me believe that external appearances are much more important than they actually are. And that only a very narrow spectrum of that external appearance is considered beautiful or attractive.

I see a discussion on sexual misconduct that focuses on victims and perpetrators. Instead of a meaningful review, which acknowledges that our society’s approach to sex, in general, is the real perpetrator. It is this approach that is the root cause that leads to sexual misunderstandings and misconducts to start with.

I read articles that are supposed to help us connect to our sexuality in a healthy way, only to leave a trail of bad impressions. More often than not, these articles imprint on us how sex “should be” instead of allowing us to experience the unique expression of our own sexuality.

#4: I think other people say it much better than I do.

I want to help people tap into their dazzling sexual self. Especially women.

I think that as women, we were on the sexually oppressed side of the equation for centuries. Probably longer. And this is why we are more fierce-ful and more driven to change things around.

This is how Bez Stone expressed it during our interview: “I see women as the linchpins of… …sexual health and happiness”.

While organizing the Women’s Sexuality Online Conference I connected with some inspiring women. They are at the forefront of this revolution. And as I struggle to find topics to write about, I would simply like to connect you with their teaching.

I wish the entire world would make the transition into an era in which sex is understood, nurtured, and appreciated.

If you are ready to join us, the Women’s Sexuality Online Conference is a really good place to start.