Mister Alighieri, your comment really highlights what’s wrong with our society’s understanding of sexuality.
Anyone who has felt used, abused or manipulated should speak up for themselves. Regardless of their gender or the objective act that happened. But as individual human beings, each of us has a different emotional reaction to the exact same event. Which is what I mentioned in my original article: the gray area cannot be simplified into a set of rules.
You are spot on that living as a victim is not a life worth living. Unfortunately, in our society, victims of sexual misconducted are often being dismissed and thus, for many victims, they have to repress their anger/grief/whatever other emotions come up for them, and moving onward from the victim viewpoint to a viewpoint of a sovereign being requires so much inner personal strength and capacities that a lot of victims can not actually do it by themselves.