It’s true! I read it on the internet!
This title has little to do with what I want to write about. But I thought it’s funny.
The title I should have chosen for my article is:
The reason why you really really really must start talking about sex ASAP.
I started writing about sex in March 2017.
I published a blog post every single week ever since.
I mainly write about the discrepancy between the way sex is commonly depicted as and the way it is experienced.
And I very quickly realized that my message is not unique.
There are so many amazing people out there doing a similar work. Our message might vary slightly, but the similarities way outweigh the differences.
What we’re saying is pretty much this:
- The way the media portrays sex has little to do with what sex is.
- Most of us who were brought up in the Western society were indoctrinated to believe that sexuality is a flat, one-dimensional aspect of our lives. We absorb images of that sexuality everywhere we turn to. We make an effort to comply with that concept of sexuality. And when things don’t add up, when things don’t feel as satisfying as they “should”, we think that something is wrong with us.
- It’s time to feel at peace with our own unique expression of the multi-dimensional sexual creatures that we are. We need to examine the beliefs that shaped us, release the ones that don’t work for us, and embrace the ones that do.
- So many teachers use the term “revolution” in their teaching of sexuality. It’s because we really need to completely turn around, set the wheels in motion, and create the new paradigm where sex is no longer taboo. A world where sex is being taught as a form of intimacy, instead of a world where we only teach about keeping safe from STDs and unwanted pregnancies.
So how come so many people still don’t understand?
If there are so many teachers that teach a similar message — and you can find us all over the internet if you just look for us — then how come so many people still think that something is wrong with their sexuality?
The problem lies within the fact that we, as a society, generally don’t talk about sex.
We might have some difficulties ourselves, but we can’t easily talk about them. We adopted so much guilt and shame around the topic of sexuality and sex. And we rather just suck it up, than face the embarrassment involved in trying to seek help.
We are willing to endure physical pain, to suffer emotional isolation, just to avoid the humiliation that surrounds admitting that we need help to have a thriving sex life.
But there’s hope.
Only 30 years ago it was really degrading to need to see a psychotherapist. No one would admit that they are seeing one because they would be perceived as loonies. These days if you don’t see some counselor or therapist, people think you are neglecting yourself. (OK, I know, I exaggerated a bit, but you get my point, don’t you?)
Only a few years ago we didn’t really talk about our emotions and our feelings. We were supposed to ignore the fact we have them! These days, everyone understands when the conversation involves descriptions of moods and emotional reactions.
Same goes to topics like spirituality, personal growth and development, and many more.
Can you see the pattern here?
The revolution has started.
The teachers, the sexologists, the couples-therapists, the writers. We all know our sh*t.
It’s time for you to join us.
Change is not easy. I know.
I’ve been there.
I was the one who was so insecure and unwilling to admit that I don’t enjoy sex, that I preferred not having sex with my (then) long-term partner than having to actually do something about it.
I didn’t tell anyone that sex is just not enjoyable.
I didn’t tell my (then) partner. Or my best friends. I didn’t tell the psychologist that I saw at the time.
No one knew.
And once I decided to look into the real reason of why I’m not feeling satisfied with my sex life, everything has changed.
I first learned to make love in a way that felt whole and meaningful.
Then I learned where to gather the information that was relevant to me, and how to leave behind the superficial depictions of sex that were not doing me any good.
You must understand that by keeping it quiet we’re not just compromising our own wellbeing. We’re actively contributing to a world where sex is going to stay a taboo. A world where sexuality is completely misunderstood. And where sex is represented in one way only.
Be the change you want to see in the world.
We all want to live in a world where sex is an integrated, natural, healthy part of our human experience. But we can’t expect that it simply happens. We must actively be that.
We want our children to learn how beautiful sex is, how delicate and delicious sex is. We don’t want them to ever suffer from sexual harassment or sexual misconduct. Or God forbid — be the instigators of these.
Please get involved — join the revolution by starting to talk about sex. Find a way to your own pleasure (how about the free e-course to unlock the secret of a lifetime of fulfilling sex?), and the world’s sanity.
Start exploring, communicating and evolving your experience of sex and sexuality. The world needs you to join our revolution!