A few weeks ago I published a story titled “The Problem with Men Giving Women Dating Advice.”
In it, I shared how I went on a first date with a guy, had what I perceived to be a lovely connection, only to never hear back from him again.
It was the first time for me to go on a first date with anyone after a long break from the dating scene. I arrived with low expectations but found myself having such a beautiful time that I didn’t want it to end.
I thought the guy was as interested as I was, but I was wrong. Completely wrong. Which is OK — but what I was not OK with was that he didn’t bother to communicate with me to let me know. …
With sex, our goal is usually having some sort of orgasm. And as such, we put in a lot of effort to make sure we achieve it. If it doesn’t happen — we feel unsatisfied and disappointed. Sometimes we even doubt our ability as lovers.
But what if instead of having an orgasmic goal in mind, we decide to focus our attention on something completely different?
First, what is an intention? And what is the difference between a goal and an intention?
Intention is about finding a deep truth within yourself and doing your best to align your actions with it. …
She had an evil stepmother and wicked stepsisters alright.
And she was kind and humble and oppressed.
But she wasn’t exceptionally pretty or anything.
She was just plain. And wild.
Early on in her life, she realized that she didn’t fit in.
She loved being outdoors, enjoying the beauty of nature.
She could spend hours listening to the voices of the creek and all of its creatures.
It was during these quiet moments in nature that she could sense her body beaming with a subtle flow of energy. Her body was like an ocean with distant waves touching the shores of her surroundings. There was no distinct boundary between it and everything else. …
I started my slow-sex journey around 15 years ago.
I was in a long-term relationship that was far from ideal and our sex life was miserable. On the rare occasions we did have sex, it was not enjoyable. Not for me — and I dare say not for my partner either.
At some stage, I started diving into the realm of mindful sex, and something deep inside me changed. Sex stopped being something to be ashamed of.
Instead, sex shifted into a holistic experience.
It was a gradual journey. And although the relationship that propelled me into this journey did not last, I have had the opportunity to explore slow sex in a few other relationships since then. …
We’ve been seeing each other for nearly 6 months now.
Not regularly and not all that often, I’m afraid, but enough to have lots of sex.
Which we both enjoy. Tremendously.
And we have both not had an orgasm whilst having sex with each other.
Not even once.
I suppose some people might raise an eyebrow.
Perhaps some will not believe that it’s possible to enjoy and feel completely satisfied sexually without an orgasm. If that’s you, this article might be of interest.
One of the things I promote in my writing and teaching is that —
Not to say there’s anything wrong with orgasms. …
Some people think there’s something wrong with using lube.
There is shame around needing to use it, and shame around wanting to use it.
I think it comes from the idea that if the female body is aroused enough, it should be producing sufficient natural lubrication for enjoyable sexy times.
On the surface, it sounds logical enough.
I mean, that’s exactly what our sexual organs are designed for, right? To do what they need to do to give us pleasure.
Problem is, there’s more at play here.
Perhaps if we lived closer to nature, fully connected to the earth and our bodies, things would be different. …
It’s our second date. I am recovering from a cold and my nose is still blocked. I excuse myself every few minutes to blow my nose.
But for now, it is socially acceptable to leave the house with mild cold symptoms. And when my friends see me, and they jokingly ask if I have coronavirus, they are actually kidding.
It’s our third date. We bring a picnic to the creek. We will soon share our first kiss, but first, I slip into the stream. …
Once upon an article, I promised I would write about sex in the golden years. Back then, I had come across a book that I had assumed would inspire me with my mission: Sex after Sixty: A French Guide to Loving Intimacy by Marie De Hennezel.
Instead of feeling inspired, the book made me feel uncomfortable. I found every excuse in the world to not write the article.
It’s not because there was anything wrong with the book. But I reckon it made a 40-something-year-old (namely, me) feel old.
The book described many sexual issues people in their golden years experience and the most common solution. …
First thing’s first. As one of my friends brilliantly pointed out, we are not actually practicing social distancing: we are practicing physical distancing.
We can stay as social as we like as long as we keep the physical distance to avoid being sprayed with someone else’s droplet thingies. But in the part of the world where I live, we can still meet people. Not to mention chatting with people via any technological means available to us.
Personally, I’m not a fan of social media, which means you won’t see me on Facebook or Instagram. But I enjoy the old-fashioned phone call. I video-chat with my family (who live half a world away from me) regularly. …
If you’ve ever dealt with someone with a Narcissistic Personality Disorder, you know that maintaining boundaries is as difficult as hell.
It seems like they just don’t understand what boundaries are.
They think that when you say no, you don’t really mean it. Let me rephrase. They honestly believe that you don’t know what’s good for you.
That’s because, let’s face it, they know better than you. They will try every tactic they can think of to persuade you that your boundary is wrong. They will sweet-talk you, trying to make you see how wonderful life would be if only you would remove your silly boundary. They will warn you of the unpleasant consequences of holding your boundary. And they will, most probably, switch back and forth between these two tactics: one moment convincing you what an amazing team you could be if only you would cooperate with them, and the next, saying you leave them no choice but to start a war because your boundary prevents them from teaming up with…